My Life *WARNING: MAY BE TRIGGERING*

When I was born, my real dad left me. I never knew him. I almost came in contact with him once, but I didn't.
When I was four and started pre school, things were great. Everyone loved me actually.
Until this one girl moved in. she was pretty and gorgeous. Well, her and I became best friends. Then, 3 weeks after she moved to the school, she started picking on me. For no reason. At first it was only just giving me weird looks and laughing. I was only four so of course that hurt. First it was only her, then it was our other friend. Then, they got the entire class to do it.
As I got older, the bullying got worse.

I was first molested at age 5 by my two cousins. It kept going on until I was 9. Each time they did it, they told me it was normal. And being so young, I believed it.

Age 10 I went to my friend's house. I rode home with her, her mom, and her dad from the school carnival. Well, when we got there, we all watched a movie. I remember the exact movie too. It was Anaconda. Well, after everyone went to sleep, (they all slept in different rooms), my friend's dad came and got beside me. He started touching me. Well, when I tried to move, that made him laugh. Eventually, I got tired of fighting him and I fell asleep.
The next morning, I was the first to wake up. When I did, my shorts were pulled halfway down.

I told my family and anyone who would listen. Everyone thought I was lying.

Two weeks after he raped me, I started cutting myself.

When I turned 11, I started starving myself, I wanted to be perfect I guess you could say. I did that on and off for years (I still do it kind of). And when I turned 12, I became bulimic until I was 18 (I stopped purging back in March I guess you could say)

On March 1, 2012, I met a guy online. Well, he wanted to have sex with me. He came and picked me up and we drove to a motel. When we got in the room, I panicked. I told him that I didn't want to do this. He said, "Too late. If you don't do this, I'll show your dad the pictures of you" (Him and I were texting before we actually met). Then, he made me take off my clothes and get on the bed. When I did, he got on top of me and he shoved his thing in me. I kept telling him to, "Stop" but every time I'd say that, he'd keep going faster. After he was done, I was sore. For two weeks after he raped me, when I tried to go to the bathroom, it hurt.

I blame myself for all of this.

I've been cutting on and off since I was 10 years old. I've been self harming since I was around four or five. When I was little, I'd bite, hit, and scratch myself (I still hit and scratch myself from time to time). I have over 100 scars on my body.